Traits required to succeed in politics

Read the topic very carefully. Its “traits required to succeed in politics”, and not “traits required to be a good politician”. A successful politician is not necessarily a good politician, and a good politician does not necessarily find success in politics. So, do not expect to find any ‘moral’ stuffs in this post. Also, any resemblance of the under-described qualities with a real life politician is unintended and purely coincidental. Duh?!!

Worship thy master
This is the single most important trait of a successful politician. Your party president is your supreme master. Worship him, pamper him with praises, and never question his leadership abilities or get on to his nerves. It has been proven time and again that rebels in politics usually do not make it big, or as a matter of fact, they hardly survive long enough to ever make it big, except for some rare ones. Forget your conscience, just blindly follow him and stick to him like glue as long as he is the boss.

Tell lies with a straight face
A successful politician is one who can constantly lie with a straight face. Lying plays a big part in politics, especially during elections. One has to make empty promises and commitments which will never be fulfilled, and this has to be done with a very convincing face. Nose rubs, scratchy heads and avoiding eye contacts just wouldn’t do. Be very very confident when you tell lies.

Blame others for your mistakes
A politician is not entitled to commit mistakes, not even an honest one. Always remember that your rivals are ever ready to pounce on you and tear you apart like a pack of wild carnivores even at the slightest of mistakes. In case you accidentally commit one, then be ready with detailed excuses, alibis and scapegoats. There is a saying which goes like this - “To err is human, but to blame it on others is the job of a politician”. That sums it all quite nicely. Need I say more?

Distribute public money...directly to the public
Another way to stabilize your career in the political sphere is to distribute public money directly to the public itself. Never mind how and where it’s spent, just make sure that you benefit from it. Money can be put into great use for buying votes, wooing opposition party workers and to garner the support of various students’ organizations.

Criticize your opponents
The main purpose of an opposition bench in the parliament / state assembly is not only to check the wrong doings of the ruling party, but also to criticize and crucify even the good ones. If you happen to be in the ruling party, the opposition becomes the reason for every project gone bad. So, never ever leave the chance to criticize your opponents, whether you are in the ruling party or in the opposition.